Just do you.

What happens when you don’t see your own beauty, and you start fixating on others? Your definition of beauty becomes them and you try your best to be that definition of beauty. Doing things you don’t like or enjoy but pursuing them because that’s what you think beauty looks like.

What happens? You lose yourself.

In a time where comparing yourself has become so much easier and value is placed on likes, friends, and people’s opinions, pleasing others becomes the norm. You do this because it makes someone happy even though it kills you inside. You do that so that that person can stick around.

It’s not wrong to serve others. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. It’s beautiful to always put other people first before your needs. It’s good to help. But, you don’t have to stick around when you’re not happy.

It’s okay not to hang around places where you’re not wanted. It’s helpful to know that you can be toxic to some people. It’s fine to accept that you’re not made for everybody; no one really is.

So what’s the point of me saying all this?

The point is, it’s okay to look at your own plate. To look at what you’re serving others. It’s okay to reflect on yourself and grow more self-aware; especially in service to others. It’s just fine not wanting to be like someone else and it’s okay to have your own definition of beautiful. It’s fun that you don’t have yourself all figured out. You’re a complex being that is constantly growing. Figuring yourself out is a life-long journey.

You don’t need anyone’s approval to be yourself. Just do you. =)

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Freedom.

1: How would you describe freedom? Would it be your ability to act as you wanted without caring what people think? Or could it be screaming from a rooftop?

2: I think screaming from a rooftop could just be a stress reliever.

1: What about running naked?? Would that be freedom?

2: Well, that would depend on the situation. Running naked on a nude beach is probably okay, no?

1: Funny. So, how would you describe freedom?

2: I think it’s the ability to choose.

1: Ability to choose what?

2: Anything really. We aren’t tied to anything or anyone unless we choose to. We aren’t really forced to do anything; some things we do out of necessity, desperation, obedience, or any other motivator, but we aren’t forced.

1: How is there freedom to choose when sometimes you are limited. For example, limited to two options. Doesn’t that explain how you can be caught between a rock and a hard place?

2: Yeah, some choices are tough, but there are options nonetheless. Look at it like this, imagine you had two routes to school. One is tarmacked and straight, but it’s long; the other is slightly shorter but it’s curvy and uneven. Now, you can choose the first one because it’s easier on the feet, or you can choose the other because it feels shorter despite it being uncomfortable. The freedom in that is not being restricted to one, but having the ability to choose either.

1: Huh. So being open to both?

2: Exactly.

1: What about when you don’t know what to choose? The options are just too many.

2: Then you can’t handle your freedom.

1: Well… Okay. If that’s the case, what do you call it when you don’t care what people think about you? Especially when you feel like you’re doing the right thing?

2: Common sense.

Beauty.

“Why are you always trying to hide yourself? You’re so beautiful.” Sasha’s mother said tilting her chin up. “Your eyes are so kind, your smile is enchanting, you have the cutest nose..” she went on.

“That’s only the physical stuff ma.” Sasha said turning her head down.

“Well, you love people and they love you. You always want to help. You can fight for your friends even on the worst day, you’re loyal, you’re patient and consistent in your understanding, you’d rather correct someone and risk them getting angry, rather than let them go off in the wrong…” she went on as she tilted Sasha’s head back up.

“But they only see the good stuff ma. The parts I want them to see. The parts that will make them happy, not just me. There are parts of me I’d much rather keep hidden forever.”

“Don’t you understand? That’s love. Love is putting others before you as much as you can. Understanding them even though you don’t want to, or when they don’t deserve it. Being there for them when they need it most. A big part of love is giving, and that’s part of the reason you’re so beautiful. You just have so much love.”

“But what happens when I can’t give that love anymore? When I’m the worst version of myself?”

“The ones you love will hold you up just like you did them. They trusted you when you offered your love; don’t be afraid to receive theirs.” With that, Sasha’s mother kissed her on the forehead, and went on her merry way.

 

Process.

Writing has been hard lately, and I’ve grown inconsistent. I apologize for those that follow me for how slow I’ve been lately. I will be back to posting consistently very soon.

First things first, I want to start posting on Wednesdays instead of Sundays. I really don’t know why? Maybe it’s because I can fit it in better during the week, or because I want to rest on Sundays; I’m not sure, but Wednesdays it is.

Secondly, I’ve never really experienced writer’s block until recently. I was very unsure of what to create, or how to create it. I wanted to change what I wrote about, and the change scared me. I became too afraid to write, show, or advertise my work anymore. Eventually, it got to a point I started questioning if I was really made for writing.

However, I learnt something from it. I learnt, the tough way, that everything is a process. Especially growth. I thought I’d be over the block in a few days, but it lasted months.

What I wish I could have accepted sooner was, things won’t always happen in a flash or according to my time. Some issues can be fixed in a day or two, and for some it takes years. Things not running on my time, or how I planned it gets really frustrating, but it builds endurance and patience.

I needed to accept that being uncomfortable is just a part of growth; that some changes will hurt and probably frighten me; that patience pays; that everything I’m going through or I’ve gone through is all a step for me to become a better me. Maybe, if I did accept it all sooner, the inconsistency wouldn’t have lasted so long.

So, this is to encourage someone today. Whatever you’re going through, whatever you’re learning, or however life is going for you, it’s all a step for you to becoming a better you. Some things take time but it’s worth it. Don’t be discouraged just because you can’t see the end result. You got this.

 

=).

Perfection.

When I began my walk with God, I wanted to be perfect. Issue was I wanted to be my version of perfect. To do everything according to my understanding of the bible, according to what I believed was right and wasn’t. The main issue with this was I was leaning on my own understanding not God’s.

However, I was also being exposed to a lot of God’s gifts. I just felt so blessed and I really wanted to share what I felt with others but even then, I was doing it on my terms, so it didn’t end well. I was trying to be perfect for the perfect being not realizing that the perfect being would work in me to produce the version of me he considered perfect, and not what I considered it to be.

It was because of going into it with expectations that I fell back a lot. Nonetheless, I learned. One of the most important lessons I learned was there’s nothing, absolutely nothing that I can do by myself. Nothing taxing, or simple could be done without God. This really made me change my perspective on something I hadn’t considered before, and that was trust. I would say I love God with all my heart but when it came to trust, I wasn’t at the same level. And what’s love without trust? Emptiness.

How could I claim I loved God so much but still have my life in my own hands and in my own control. The thing about trusting God which is very hard is you don’t always know where you’re going. And despite him telling us repeatedly just how much he wants us to prosper and for us to be the ultimate best, we always question or doubt because we do not know the end goal. For beings that love being in control and knowing everything, being led somewhere without the knowledge of where you’re going is very scary.

I guess this is why I started with my own definition of perfect. Because I thought I knew better, and the bible was right there. I never looked for further guidance. I just read and thought whatever message I got was the right one. I trusted in my ability most and as a result, I reaped a lot of failure and I held myself back.

However, I learned. That’s probably one of the best things about being a Christian. Everything works in your favor if you’re focus is on the one who matters. It involved me putting my own desires aside, putting away my pride, setting apart my need to be right all the time, and opening myself up to trust. For some time, I thought I had this Christianity thing figured out because I had learnt something so phenomenal and important. I couldn’t have been more wrong.